Bettie is back again! This time with some authentic ish. Not to say that her previous post were'nt, but pay attention. For those of you who are wondering who this Bettie character is, check her out at the HoneyBee spot to the right under my blog section..........Now.......Class is in session.
----------------------------------------------- A failure. When Rej left I was lost...how does one go from being almost married to very single? I still spoke to him daily, out of habit, and because he was the only person I knew intimately. It is not my nature to become very close to people. Sometimes I smell his cologne, hear his voice, even feel his touch, it still makes me cry, all this time, and I still break at the very mention of him. I remember our last Christmas, he went to visit family in Portland,so i stayed behind on campus. His dorm room was never very warm, but I was fine, waiting for him t come home. Diligent in my support of that man. We celebrated Christmas on the 27th, and I decorated, even though we had no money, He asked me on New Years where I got all of it from, I'd stolen it, and he knew, but he didn't want to believe it. We opened presents and he gave me my engagement ring that night, subsequently ruining Christmas for me forever. I was more excited than I have ever been, full of hope, like my life was perfect. We made love in the midst of the boxes and tissue paper, in the cold, on the floor because we didn't want to move and ruin the moment. It was the most fulfilling sex I've ever had. Mostly because my emotions were in it,in him, and I felt him more than just physically. I miss him still, and that feeling that I got whenever he entered the room.....With my face lighting up and my heart finding it's missing piece. Being Complete.
There are so many things in this life to fear, Mine is loneliness. Only because I have a feeling I will die young, I am presently hanging on the edge of sanity as it is so I have very little hope for a real future.....So i'll stick to my books, bury myself in projects, and try to forget that ache, the lingering fear of dying alone. -Bettie